Many times we get hit with karma we don’t want and have no idea why this is, or at least from our perspective we don’t. Even though others see the chain of events that led to it, our ego blinds us to it until it’s too late, and in some cases, still continues to keep the reasons hidden from us. In many cases the answer is simple, coping mechanisms. This week in Deeper Thoughts let’s explore how our coping mechanisms can lead us to the karma we don’t want.
To do a quick recap if you’re new to this website, karma is the results of your actions. What you do or don’t do creates certain results, i.e. karma. When we consciously make decisions and choose, we’re more aware of the potential karma that will come from those choices, although there’s always a chance that there can be a result from our choices or the choices of others. However, many times we live on autopilot and aren’t aware of the potential outcomes of our choices, and this leads to karma we don’t expect, sometimes good and sometimes bad.
Much of the karma we receive comes from unhealed wounds. Many people keep ignoring the crying inner child within and continue to suppress those wounds and cling to their coping mechanisms. While our coping strategies kept us safe as children and helped us to get our needs met, as adults they can become detrimental to us.
So what are coping mechanisms? These are tactics we develop as children to get our needs met. Sometimes we turn to gaming or reading to escape conflict, use anger to get attention, fawn or people please to gain affection, or manipulate to get what we need. As we grow up these coping strategies carry on into adulthood, often evolving as we mature.
Forms of escapism, such as gaming may stay the same, but escapism can grow to addictions with drugs or alcoholism, which push the right people away and attract the wrong people, and land you in bad situations, such as accidents, O.D.ing and violence.
And it’s not always drugs or alcohol either. Even too much reading or video games to stay out of your parents' way or running from their arguing can lead to an addiction as an adult which creates social awkwardness, which can lead to porn addiction and creeper vibes. Or it prevents you from standing up for yourself or your boundaries because achieving the next level in a game seems safer and easier than facing the real world, so as a result everyone just walks over you as an adult.
Even pouring yourself into your work, instead of facing your problems, is a form of escapism. While being a form of escapism, this constant hustling and grinding stems from a family that valued what you could contribute to the family unit and you only received love and validation based on productivity. Constantly working to be “productive” can lead to excess stress, causing health issues to affect your body. It can also be a means to escape family issues, which will only exacerbate those issues until things possibly go beyond repair in the home, many times pushing them away.
Doing things for others for parental approval carries on into adult relationships and leaves you feeling burnt out when you’re neglecting yourself, or cause you to be resentful because you think that’s all the other person loves you for. For example, if you’re always fixing things around your girlfriend’s house to make her happy, or you're always cooking and cleaning for your new boyfriend, you become resentful.
Deep down on a subconscious level, you remember this was the only way you achieved parental approval, and not for being valued for who you were. You think that no one loves you for you, just for what you can do for them. Ultimately you stop doing the things you were doing because you’re tired of wearing the mask and want to be accepted for you. The issues that arise is that the other person has spent all this time thinking this WAS who you were, and when you start acting differently they feel duped, and leave. Thus reinforcing this negative thought pattern of “No one loves me for who I am, only for what I do.” Yet because this coping mechanism is so ingrained in you, you start the process over when seeking a new relationship.
Many people go to anger and violence as children because that’s the only way to gain any attention from their family. But because this tactic has made its way deep into the subconscious, when the child grows up, so too does the anger and the way they lash out. Without healing this strategy, the anger leads to violent outbursts with constant fighting, up to and including, domestic violence, or murder.
Heal your childhood wounds so you can move past these coping strategies and avoid the negative karma that comes from them. We all have coping strategies to get through life. Sometimes we are aware of them, other times not so much. It’s these that you’re not aware of, those you don’t keep on a tight leash, that can creep up on you and be highly detrimental to you. Increasing your own self awareness and patterns can help greatly in this endeavor so don’t be afraid to seek assistance from a third party. Sometimes you might not be aware of a negative coping strategy you have, but many times, others usually will be. Reach out to those you trust to be honest with you and see if they can see what you can’t.
Hopefully this article will give you an idea of how your coping strategies affect you with karma you may not want or expect. What are your coping strategies? Take a deep dive into yourself to know thyself and heal!
As always, I thank you for reading and hope you all have an enlightening day!
Comments