Many people hear the term “ego” and think of some cocky jerk that’s full of themselves. We get focused and are fed all the negative aspects of the ego. But we live in a world of duality. Can your ego be bad? Of course, but it can also build you up in many positive ways. This week in Deeper Thoughts let’s talk about our egos, what they are, and how they can build us up or tear us down!
Many of us suppress and reject our ego to the point of trying to reach “ego death.” But here’s the thing, you can’t kill your ego. It’s a part of you, just as your arms and your eyes are a part of you. To kill the ego is to kill yourself.
Our ego is a filter that we view ourselves and the world through. Its role is to keep us safe on a subconscious level. It gives us confidence (sometimes too much) to do things that we normally wouldn’t do, but it can give us a level of self importance to push away good things to avoid the risk of hurt and disappointment that we’ve felt in past events and situations. Think of that friend of yours who is dating someone and the first sign of things getting uncomfortable does something crazy or dumb that pushes them away, but then acts like they’re the victim again.
It can be argued that the ego can be the opposite of the inner critic. Where many people’s inner critic tears them down, the ego is like the hype-man. He tries to build you up, and in some cases to the point of delusion, trying to keep us from one pain, while unintentionally causing more.
There are a lot of people who embrace their ego, healthily and unhealthily. That cocky ego might be large and on display, and they might not always deserve to have the level of confident ego they think they should, but they accept it. And this can actually bother many people. Even anger them in their own ego without realizing why.
If you can get so emotionally triggered (usually anger) by another man's ego, then that’s most likely saying something about you. There’s something inside you that needs working on. A lot of times this is because your own confidence and ego was shamed and you were conditioned by family, society, school, and/or religion that having an ego is bad and you “need to be humble.” But here’s a secret, everyone who’s ever achieved anything great had an ego, even if they tried to hide it.
Don’t be afraid of the ego. Don’t try to suppress it. It’s a tool that when used properly can help you achieve a lot. Build a relationship with it. Let it build up your confidence in life. Do you think world leaders don’t have an ego? Are the best players in whatever your favorite teams super humble? The most famous generals in history had egos too!
When someone achieves something amazing, it’s because they have a big ego, and the larger the achievements are then yes they deserve to have a larger ego. Now if that turns into arrogance and their downfall that’s on them. But a well deserved ego based on what you’ve accomplished isn’t a bad thing.
Are there times when it's good to be humble? Yes, we mess up in life, but these are opportunities to learn. But does that mean you should always be humble and meek? Of course not! Embrace a healthy relationship with your ego and go conquer the world!
On the same token though, sometimes we have to be humbled and life will throw us things that do just that. This isn’t always to punish us, even though that may also be the case. But primarily it’s to either reteach us lessons we’ve forgotten or teach us new ones to give us a new perspective in life.
We need to build up a healthy balance of ego and humility. Know when to let the ego fuel us to take on challenges, but humble to recognize when challenges are too much for us and prevent us from getting in over our heads in detrimental situations.
Sometimes we need to take on challenges to fuel our ego. We need to counter some of the “You won’t do it because you can’t,” attitudes with results proving that, yes we actually can. The trick is knowing when to take on a challenge because it will build you up in life, and not just your ego, and knowing when to say “no” because the risks are too detrimental.
If a coworker claims, “There’s no way you’ll ever beat me in sales this month!” - Show them who’s boss and out sell them! This is an example of a challenge that can boost your ego, fuel you to step up to bat for yourself, increase your money, and do the same for your coworker. This is using your ego in a healthy manner.
If you’re at a party and some “alpha Chad" claims, “You can’t out drink me cause you’re a pussy!” - Let them be right because the price of proving them wrong probably isn't going to be worth it. This is a challenge to the ego you need to let go because there can be too many risks and negative results, with nothing of value to gain.
Build up a good relationship with your own ego, so you’re in charge instead of it. It’s like any other tool in your belt. You can use it to build or to destroy. Learn to wield it properly and it can be a great asset to level up in life! What ways have you developed a healthy relationship with your ego?
Thank you for reading once again. Have an enlightening day!
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