Trauma comes in various shapes and sizes. Most of us picture trauma as massive cataclysmic events, and while this is true, it’s not always the case. There are varying degrees to trauma. It can range from physical violence, explosive anger, emotional neglect or emotional withholding, shaming, triangulation, being made the family scapegoat, guilt tripping, gaslighting, controlling, and a host of other things. Keep in mind that this list is in no way comprehensive. Entire books have been written on the subject of family trauma, but hopefully this list gives you an idea.
The bulk of these traumas take place during childhood, when we are at the mercy of our caretakers. Oftentimes our caretakers aren’t aware they’re causing trauma. They may even think they’re doing a great job in fact. Unfortunately the trauma they cause is a result of their own trauma from when they grew up. This can often be passed down through multiple generations, creating an ancestral or generational trauma.
Some examples include the parent that shames you for not acting “perfect” to keep up the image of the “ideal” family, which stemmed because they had a parent that did the same thing to them. Another is the man who abuses his wife and children because he witnessed and experienced his father participating in this same behavior, and his father took part in it because that was his experience and so on. Alcoholism is another example of generational trauma.
This is a concept that many tend to overlook. Check your family history if you can. Study it and see the patterns that continue generation after generation. Many family sayings and beliefs stem from these things. Are there negative or detrimental tendencies or beliefs you notice in your family? How are they holding you back? What can you do to heal them? Breaking these patterns and creating new healthier ones create healing for yourself as well as your bloodline.
These traumas and the way we respond when we see them reflected in our adult lives cause triggers within us. Take these as indications of something to investigate. When you feel that anger, shame, fear, sadness, whatever it is, take time to go inward.
What’s so significant about these triggers? Your reactions are indications of inner parts of yourself crying out for help. You often had to suppress parts of yourself to cope with or even survive during these events.
So what should we do? When we experience a trigger we need to take a step back and ask ourselves “Why am I responding this way?” Once you get that answer, ask “why?” Continue this process and go as deep as you can with it until you can’t think of another reason for “why?” Once you’ve found the root cause, sit with yourself. How old were you when this event happened or the pattern started?
Connect with your inner child from that time. Get to know its needs and wants. What did you need at that time in your life? A safe place? Room to express yourself? Study a topic you were passionate about instead of being forced into sports? Did you need safety? Ask your inner child from that time what it needs to heal. From there you can begin the process of healing. Eventually you’ll be able to re-parent your inner child and integrate it back into you.
Don’t be surprised when you do this and find protector aspects created to protect that inner child. They too will need healing and integration as well. They’re just like the inner child you’re trying to connect with, a part of you.
As you begin to do this process and get to the other side of it, understanding why you get triggered and how to heal from it, you begin to master your emotions. You may have to do this exercise multiple times, depending on the trauma and its effects on you. As I stated before, more often than not, your family isn’t even realizing they’re traumatizing you (albeit there are exceptions).
This is an uncomfortable process. You face things that you buried deep down and suppressed. True spirituality isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. But as you come through it each time the benefits are worth it. You continue to grow and over time put an end to the things that hold you “back” in life. Like all great things in life, they require work to attain.
Take time to work on healing your own trauma and your family’s ancestral trauma. Another added benefit of doing this is it allows you to become more aware of your own actions and how you may be affecting your own children and family members. You can become more receptive to their needs and wants.
For a more detailed explanation of this process, I recommend checking out Teal Swan’s “The Completion Process. (Not affiliated)
Thank you for reading and I hope you all have an enlightening day!
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