No family is perfect. Even those families who seem like they’re picture perfect on the outside have issues that are often kept hidden for posterity’s sake. One major event can shatter that illusion of closeness within the family. This week in Deeper Thoughts we’re going to discuss six ways you can create bonds with your family, and strengthen the family unit.
The first thing you can do is honor your promises, commitments and responsibilities to your spouse and the rest of your family. When you say you’re going to do something, you do it to the best of your ability. Following through with your promises, commitments, and responsibilities shows you are trustworthy and that you can be relied upon.
Why is this important? Because if you can be trusted to follow through with what you say you’re going to do then the rest of the family can be focused on what they have going on. If you’re handling the bills and upkeep around the house, your wife can focus on taking care of the children without having to also stress about if bills are being paid or repairs are being made. When you’re less stressed about the other things going on in the home, you can focus on your responsibilities and achieve better results.
Second: Communicate each other’s needs, and how you can work together to meet them. Everyone will have different needs. Some will be the same, but even then there may be variations on how those needs are met. A wife needs containment, knowing she’s protected and provided for, and a husband might need someone to take care of the children and create a space for him to rest and recharge so he can take on the world the next day in the name of his family. Children need a nurturing environment to learn, explore, and evolve.
Sit down periodically and talk with your family. Make sure you’re meeting their needs, and even if you are, establish ways you can do so more effectively. Having these conversations will let you know how these needs may change or evolve so you can continue to meet them as time goes on.
Third: Create a safe space so they can relax, be vulnerable, and lean into their own energies. This is, in general, a need all families need, but how it’s created will vary from family to family. We touched on this in the previous point when I mentioned that someone needs to be making sure the family feels safe and secure. Someone needs to be making sure the home feels like home and a respite from the outside world. Both parents need to make sure the children have room to grow and evolve as they learn about who they are and who they want to be.
When the wife feels safe and provided for, she can pour her love and energy into taking care of the children and making the home feel like a loving space. She can also lean into her own energies, whether it’s studying something she’s passionate about, creating art, or even homeschooling the children to create a deeper bond. When the husband isn’t having to worry about if the children are being taken care of at home and know he’s created a safe environment while he’s at work, he can focus on his job and better provide for them all, and at home can relax and soak in the loving environment his wife has created for them all.
The children need that loving environment and safety so that they can feel safe to explore what the world has to offer without fear of the dangers that may lurk in the shadows. This environment encourages play, creativity, and curiosity for learning. A safe place where they can ask questions and seek guidance, knowing their caretakers will have their best interests at heart.
What actions and steps are necessary to create these environments for the individuals will vary from family to family, but on the whole these are basic needs that need to be met in some form or fashion.
Fourth: Listen to them to UNDERSTAND them. Listen so you learn their needs, how to meet them, and make them feel seen, heard and validated. You need to understand things like how they receive love. The way they receive love isn’t necessarily the way you tend to give love. When you understand how your family receives love, you can keep building that connection as you give it to them in the way they need it.
It’s mind boggling how many times we speak to family in a day, but never truly understand what they’re saying. Have these types of conversations regularly so you can stay on the same page. And when you do, be mindful. Don’t listen to reply. Listen to get an idea of where they’re coming from and why they have the needs they have.
Listening to them in this manner and acting upon it to meet their needs the way they need you to will help strengthen the trust they build with you.
Five: You take them as a part of yourself. This doesn’t mean you try to become them, but you take them and bring them in as if they were a part of your being. To hurt them would be to hurt yourself. Causing them pain would be like bashing your hand with a hammer.
This and the previous point are key components to what we call love. And the more we understand them, the easier we can take them in as part of ourselves. If you love them, you won’t want to hurt them, because you understand their pain better and causing them pain hurts you as well.
Six: RESPECT THEIR BOUNDARIES! If you’re doing something that makes them uncomfortable, stop it! Pushing and crossing boundaries creates distrust and feelings of being unsafe. Crossing their boundaries can tear down foundations of trust you’ve built up and destroy the bond you’ve worked to create.
Boundaries define who you are and what you’re okay and not okay with. How upset do you get when someone repeatedly crosses your boundaries? You’re not a fan, are you? They’re the same way. Violating their boundaries should be a boundary you have imposed on yourself, because you’ve taken them as a part of yourself, right?
Utilizing these six ways to create healthy bonds apply not just to your family, but all of your relationships. Of course there are many ways to create deep bonds, but these will send you a long way down that path. What ways do you create healthy bonds with your loved ones? Let me and other readers know in the comments!
Thank you for once again reading, and as always, have an enlightening day!
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