I keep seeing a concept pop up on social media that’s reflected heavily amongst older men and especially men in the red pill community. It’s the idea that a man shouldn’t bother dating until he’s “made his millions.” So this week in Deeper Thoughts let’s dive into this and talk about what’s wrong with this concept that’s become popular in the younger generation.
While yes, it is incredibly important to provide for yourself financially, especially as men. But let’s look into this notion that men need to focus solely on gaining wealth before they try to date or search for a long term significant other.
Let’s start in general. Gaining wealth first being the primary focus of your life can actually put you in a scarcity mindset, believe it or not. It’s that “first I have to have/do (blank) and then I can have/do (blank)” limiting belief patterns. This is not the same as action oriented steps to a goal.
Examples of action oriented steps can include things like studying stock market terms, then understanding market trends, then investing a little bit of money to get your toes wet and get some experience, followed by heavier investing once you’ve gained some experience. Another example would be making a list of topics you’re knowledgeable/interested in, doing research, writing a first draft, editing, and repeating steps one and two until you have a complete book to publish. Or steps in forming a business, having the services/products you offer, filing for an LLC or SCORP, paying taxes, payroll, insurance, advertising, expansion etc. These are steps toward a goal that need to be completed before the next step.
But the “first I have to have/do (blank) and then I can have/do (blank) mindset limits you because the end result is something you can still be doing now. Thinking “I have to be rich then I can travel” implies that you can’t travel while building wealth, even if the trips you take are shorter or less extravagant than you’d like. “I need to be financially secure before I spend time enjoying my art hobby” when you can still make time to paint/draw/craft whatever it is you love. “I have to have the money saved so I can start my business.” Well what’s the business? Is it something you make or a service you want to provide? Do it on the side and grow it along with your main job until it can provide your main income. These are all things you can be doing now and enjoy.
So, with this being said, why can’t you date while gaining wealth? One argument I hear is “women will distract you from your goal.” Well if you have to have zero distractions to work on your goals I’ve got some bad news for you. Life is full of distractions. Surprise bills, sickness, legal issues you don’t expect, accidents, death, job loss, the list goes on and on. So a woman is going to distract you and take your time away from your goals? What about when you go hang out with the boys? Those nights at the bar together, or those trips to go camping, hunting, fishing ect don’t take away from your goal, but date night will?
Another monkey wrench in this limiting belief, especially for those whose aim is to be millionaires, is that for many it can take decades to reach that point, if they ever do at all. Yes some people get lucky with the work they put in and things line up at the right place at the right time, but for many it will be a long process, which could mean a long life of being single.
Also, most of the influencers pushing this thought process were A) already rich from the get-go, B) don’t really believe this rhetoric but knows it sells content which is what’s making them money, or C) not even rich themselves but are faking it online to deceive people.
Another problem with swearing off women while gaining wealth is let’s say you do hit that money mark you’re shooting for. What then? You have no experience in the dating arena. You’re most likely going to be wildly awkward. Now you have to start getting experience in attracting a woman and keeping her interested. Yeah, you’ve got the money part down, but are you going to be able to meet her other needs? Do you even know what those needs are? These are things you learn and get better at through EXPERIENCE.
And here’s the plot twist! These same red pill influencers telling you to just focus on gaining wealth before you worry about women, will also tell you that women only want you for your money and you can’t trust them! Which is another limiting belief to deal with. So which way do you go?
Yes, work toward gaining a level of wealth you want, but don’t obsess over it. Yes, odds are you’re going to date a lot before you find someone that’s a compatible match with you, and yes even then that relationship is going to take work. But when you can find the right partner that’s aligned with your goals, they’ll want to help you. They’ll support you and create a safe space for you to relax and allow you to get ready to face the next upcoming battles you have. Instead of waiting until you’re rich to date, work on that goal if it’s yours, while enjoying life. Build up your discernment to recognize red flags early on and begin being authentic and establishing needs, wants, and expectations in the beginning. Don’t work your life away and then try to enjoy it.
There’s a lot more that can be said about this limiting belief about gaining wealth first then dating, but these are some of the more obvious parts that people want to ignore and gloss over.
Thank you for reading. Once again, I hope you have an enlightening day.
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