Most of the time when we think of rejecting and repressing emotions we think of someone trying to push away feelings of sadness or anger, shame or guilt, but there are a lot of people who do the same thing for that feel good, such as emotions like joy, happiness, and love. Why is this?
This week in Deeper Thoughts, let's take a look at some examples of why and how some of us push away those things that bring us joy out of fear.
Most of us know at least one person, (or maybe it might be you reading this) that always gets scared when things start to feel “too” good. These people usually get scared and subconsciously do things that push the things making them feel good away. Pushing the good away is a fear based reaction, even if it’s at the subconscious level.
If someone has faced rejection or betrayal in a relationship, especially multiple times, then that person will feel uneasy if they are in a healthy relationship. Even though things are going well and the relationship feels good, this person keeps expecting that betrayal, or abandonment. Subconsciously they begin doing things to push them away. Seeds of distrust enter their mind and suspicion grows. They might in their obsession start spying on their significant other. It can range from snooping through their phone to go through messages, hovering, trying to cut off friendships, to full blown stalking.
They may begin to stop feeding into the relationship. They can do this by seeking escapism such as drinking, being absorbed into video games, spending more time with friends or neglecting their significant other. They think that because it’s too good to be true, why bother?
In either of these examples they end up pushing the other person away with their actions, thus creating a self-fulling prophecy. To make matters even worse, when the other person does end up leaving them, it reinforces these feelings of betrayal/abandonment, making them all the more stronger.
Another example could be seen in the workplace. Someone can work their way up the corporate ladder. Even though they should feel good because they achieved the position they wanted, because things are going so well they get scared. They worry and stress about something happening to take it away. The stress from this builds and compounds.
This fear and stress carries over into their work performance. They start making mistakes, panicking and making more, eventually they lose the position or even the place of employment.
It doesn’t even have to be as large or as specific as these two examples. Many people are so used to bad things happening to them that they subconsciously seek it out. This energetically creates a self imposed jinx. Things like “Just when I start saving money, some unexpected expense pops up,” or “just when I’m starting to get into a work out regime something comes along to disrupt it.” The focus on these things in your mind reflect them back to you.
So yes, if you’re one of these people, sit with that joy. What does feel good about it? Why are you so afraid to lose it? What has happened in your past to repeat this cycle? Understand the initial emotion, the fear that comes with it, the why, and the pattern. Then work on what you can do to break the cycle of the things you have a hand in that perpetuates this cycle.
Hopefully this article can shed some light for those who may be reading it who find themselves pushing away what might feel good. Discovering the traumas that cause these cycles will help you to find the key to break them.
Thank you once again for reading, and have an enlightening day.
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