Communication is the cornerstone of relationships. This is where a lot of people fall short. Too many want to just stay silent when something is bothering them or bail on the relationship entirely. This week in Deeper Thoughts we’re going to talk about how proper communication can help heal ruptures in relationships and how it can create trusts that strengthen them. Keep in mind this applies to all relationships, not just your romantic ones.
Communication in relationships is essential in establishing the needs, wants, and expectations each person has. This is something that needs to be discussed early on so these expectations can be established in the beginning. For some this can be an uncomfortable conversation, especially if they aren’t aware of their own needs. But if they tend to avoid the conversation, be aware of this red flag, because when other more serious and uncomfortable conversations come up, they’re likely to shy away from them too. Eventually there are going to be difficult conversations that will pop up later on down the line.
No relationship is perfect. There’s going to be small and major bumps in the road that can’t be ignored. This inevitably leads to difficult conversations. You have to have these talks if the relationship is going to move forward. Some of these types of conversations can include, but are most certainly not limited to subjects like one person forgetting important events to the other, missing the kid’s performances or games, choosing to hang out with friends instead of spending quality time with your significant other, always running late or having to cancel plans, especially at the last minute, neglecting responsibilities, or always siding with family, over your partner.
What the majority of the world fails to realize is that it is in difficult conversations that the relationship can grow and become stronger. The problem is a lot of people don’t know how to properly communicate because they were never taught how. Yes, we understand the words we hear and know how to use words to speak back to the person, but that’s a fraction of the interaction.
A lot of people are afraid of deep conversations, especially when they deep down know they were the one responsible for the issue at hand. They get defensive and attack using deflection, accusations, and gaslighting tactics to validate themselves and be proven “right”. It ultimately turns into a debate and breaks down the relationship. This is not the proper way to communicate during these difficult conversations.
So what do I mean? When having a conversation don’t listen so you can reply. Listen to UNDERSTAND! Understand why the other person is hurt, feels invalidated, betrayed, lacks trust, or even feels unsafe. Once you understand the why, you can discuss how to fix that rupture. What can you do to make the other person feel seen and heard? What can you do to make them feel safe in the relationship? How can you go about building back that trust? When you understand the source of the pain, you can then move the conversation to these things. Then you can take those necessary steps to repair what damanages there are, but make sure that you DO NOT repeat the issue.
This time of being vulnerable with each other and taking the time to understand one another can help repair the relationship and build more trust between you two. Especially if you’re the one who hurt the other person. You need to make them feel seen, heard, and validated. It creates a connectivity between those involved.
The sooner you have these difficult conversations the better. Otherwise resentment continues you build up in one or both parties. Sometimes the other person may be unaware there is a problem (which is another discussion in itself). Sometimes the other person may be aware there is a problem, but if you hold it in and won’t talk to them then how are they to fully know what you’re feeling? You can’t expect them to read your mind. Waiting to talk to them days or weeks later blindsides them, and will create resentment, which will worsen the original issue.
As I stated in the beginning, this applies to all relationships, not just your romantic ones. Communication can help repair ruptures between family, friends, coworkers, etc. Take time to learn to COMMUNICATE so you can understand and begin repairing the damage and rebuild the trust. I hope this article helped to give insight for those of you who wonder why communication is so important. Without proper communication, nothing great can last. It’s an important cornerstone of any serious relationship. Thank you for reading, and once again, have an enlightening day.
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